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Trader Giotto's Organic Riced Cauliflower

"Wait a minute. What is this blasphemous food?!" Said my husband A. The rice king. 

This riced cauliflower has been rather elusive. I've known about it for months, but either my local TJ's doesn't carry it or it has been out of stock. I've seen it ONCE. I've been curious to try it - mostly because I can't be bothered to process my own cauliflower into rice-like bits. That syntax is important y'all, because as A is ADAMANT. THIS IS NOT RICE. >:O 

With that said, cauliflower rice is another popular health food, much like spaghetti squash or zoodles, because you can allegedly use it any way you would use rice minus the carbohydrates and calories. And how convenient that TJ's packages this in the frozen aisle. Organic and $1.99 for 3 servings. Still cheaper than an organic cauliflower.

Product of Italy. Whaaaat. No wonder they say you can use it as pasta - I wouldn't. Drowning this in sauce would probably ruin the texture. I don't see this working well with any dish with a substantial sauce, like curry for instance. But I could be wrong. 

So here's how this went down- I knew if I wanted an honest, constructive opinion from A, he COULD NOT KNOW that this is "fake rice." I actually bought this weeks ago, and it's been sitting in my freezer for an opportune time for me to casually make fried "rice." I heated it up first in the sauce pan to cook off the water as recommended on the package before I stir-fried the add-ins - here I've used ham, red bell pepper, egg, edamame, onions, shallots, and a bit of garlic and ginger (that ginger was gratuitous). I should have kept my mouth shut the whole time. Everything was going fine until I pointed out the fact that he could eat regular rice with this. Doh. That's when A examined this non-conspicuous bowl and exclaimed, "WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY?!" The deception! Failed! Aughhhh. 

Had to do some damage control and convince him to grade it from the point of view of a "riced cauliflower" vegetable side because "How could cauliflower ever be rice???? Only rice can be rice!!" Henceforth, we are not allowed to refer to this product as cauliflower rice but as the stated name on the package, riced cauliflower. It definitely does not taste like rice of course, but I found that pre-cooking it took away a lot of the signature cauliflower taste such that it was able accommodate my flavoring of choice, which was a little bit of soy sauce, sesame oil, and the aromatic veggies. A agreed that as a RICED cauliflower this was quite tasty, but it made him feel like he was a vegan eating fake bacon. It has an ever-so-slight bite, a very mild nuttiness, and is kind of crumbly, which means consume with a spoon. As soon as I can find it again, I shall repurchase. Next up, I'm trying a riced cauliflower bibimbap with red pepper paste!

Of course, A, traumatized by my deception, took it upon himself to avenge yesterday's dinner by making fried rice with real rice today. Boys. 

TL;DR: Trader Giotto's Organic Riced Cauliflower. Substitute it for rice wherever you please! But with caution if you're feeding any rice purists. Cuz it ain't rice y'all. 7 out of 10. 


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