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Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets

Recently, I've been really pondering the fact that plowing through a bag of sriracha chips by myself every week is probably harmful to my health. Every week?! Can I just say that I stopped after I realized it was happening *nearly* every week. Instead, I switched to pickle popcorn (work in progress, I know). Let's be real. I will never give up salty crunchy foods entirely. Y'all gonna have to pry it out of my cold, arthritic, maybe even dead fingers. :P 

So I blame this latest choice on the fact that TJ's recently started selling beet chips. Yes. I almost picked them up...because they were new, shiny, and purple. 

Anyhoo, I glanced over the beet chips and picked these up, because they were $0.20 cheaper at $2.79 for slightly more product at 1.4oz. Still measly but whatever. I do like a roasted broccoli (try it!), so I figured these wouldn't be too bad to try. 

240 calories for this whole bag? Whaaaaaat. Gimme back my sriracha chips please. 

First of all, they look frightening. Perhaps broccoli-loathing children see this when they see actual broccoli. I mean they look like the stuff of nightmares --shriveled and decrepit like they've been neglected behind someone's couch for some time. The color isn't so bad. However, taste wise, I hated them. The stalk bits have the texture of something halfway between cardboard and styrofoam while the florets break down to something sawdust-esque. Just awful. There isn't that much salt to begin with, but what little has been used doesn't add any flavor really. I expected A to regurgitate these kind of like how I did, but he was like "oh. *chomp chomp chomp* they're like those snap pea crisps.  I'll eat them." I was shocked. For the record, I LOVE snap pea crisps (especially the wasabi ones!). To compare my beloved snap pea crisps to these buggers is simply crazy, because snap pea crisps are so so so much better. Then again, I get that comparison.  A does not have a high view of snap pea crisps and therefore lumps them into the same category as these crunchy broccoli wannabes - fake vegetables. 

The only circumstance where I might repurchase them is where I would need fake trees for a shoebox diorama, a la the third grade. 

Let's summarize, shall we? 
  • "Crispy and crunchy" - vaguely if you consider a cardboard styrofoam hybrid crispy or crunchy
  • "Maintains all of the flavor" - no. absolutely not. 
  • "Irresistible snack" - I found this completely resistible
  • "Makes you want to keep munching." - Actually this makes me want my money back. Too bad,  A said no and finished the bag. 
TL;DR: Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets. A classic beauty of a vegetable disgraced. Possibly the worst alleged "salty crunchy" snack I've tried all year. 2 out of 10. 


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