Trader Joe's Instant Cold Brew Coffee

Hello from 2021. Does this photo convey a somber mood? (Like..woohoo it's a new year - JUST KIDDING IT'S JUST 2020 IN DISGUISE.) I love TJ's, but I'm not one to sugar coat reality - the reality of the craziness of the world and the reality that not all Trader Joe's products are amazing. 

I'm the only coffee drinker in my household. As such, I don't own a coffee maker. I normally do a pour over - and actually A makes a better pour over than I do - but I don't usually have the mental faculties to do so in the wee hours of the morning. So yes, I started drinking instant (Trader Joe's Colombian Instant Coffee) during the pandemic. Or rather, I starting drinking instant again, which I had lying around after the dalgona coffee craze of the early lockdown days. I should preface that instant coffee isn't particularly complex or delicious but it gets the job done and can be doctored to an acceptable taste with the right amount of milk and/or sweetener. 

Anyway, I had no reason not to pick up this instant cold brew, considering the frequency at which I have been drinking instant coffee. Instant cold brew sounds intriguing, no? Compressing a 12-24 hour process into an instant affair you say? It sounds too good to be true. 

...how does one drink HOT cold brew? That's not rebellious - that is utterly nonsensical. Doesn't the hot and cold cancel each other out??

I write this review after finishing an entire jar of the TJ's Colombian Instant, the entire jar of this Instant Cold Brew, and another entire jar of the TJ's Colombian Instant. Needless to say, I've had ample time to form an opinion. :P 

1) Cold brew is usually decently strong - it makes sense because the grounds steep in cold water for an extended period of time at a ratio of around 1:4 cups of ground coffee to water. The instructions for this instant cold brew are complete garbage. You have to use 3x the suggested amount to get a taste that resembles actual cold brew. Using hot or cold water does not really matter - it all tastes very mediocre. Increasing the brew time does improve the taste and gives it a "cold brew" ish taste (like a thickness or full-bodied-ness that the website claims) but it's still blah. 

2) The taste? Bad office coffee. Bad gas station coffee. Bad car dealership coffee. Dilute, sort of bitter, and without any flavor complexity whatsoever. I tried different ratios of water to instant cold brew granules, different brew times, and did all the doctoring things I could but to no avail. Unlike the TJ's Colombian Instant, no amount of doctoring could make this taste remotely good. 

2b) Is it that I'm just used to the flavor of the Colombian instant? It's not amazing as far as coffee goes, but it has decent flavor for an instant product. 

3) The concept of instant cold brew is also a bit of an oxymoron. The cold brew process involves steeping the coffee in cold water and results in a less acidic, smooth coffee concentrate that you then dilute with ice and or milk. It's really not that hard - especially with those TJ's cold brew concentrate bags - but it does take some forethought to actually prepare it ahead of time. 

4) That's right - good things TAKE TIME. I love my instant pot. Amazon Prime is a great innovation of the modern era (even with all of Amazon's questionable business practices and deleterious effects on small businesses lol). But there are some things that just simply cannot replace time or experience. You can learn just about anything on an app or YouTube - but don't tell me that learning piano from an iPad app makes you competent enough for Julliard.

5) I never expected Instant Cold Brew to measure up to real cold brew. That's a bit unreasonable. But if we're sticking with the iPad app analogy, the whole point of the instant convenience is being able to get some basic ability so you can enjoy the art. If an iPad app teaches you a few songs that you can play one finger, one note at a time and it makes you happy, then more power to you. As for me, all I wanted was some base that is usable for everyday, uninspired, unextraordinary sustenance.  Needless to say, I did not find this product usable, modifiable, or remotely pleasurable for ordinary use. 

6) 3.5 oz jar for $3.99. 

Trader Joe's Instant Cold Brew Coffee. More like instant disappointment. 4 out of 10. Mantou Joe repurchase? Nooooope. TJ's Colombian Instant y'all.