Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky Dried Watermelon

Me [to my sister]: "I need your opinion. Go eat another piece." 

Younger Sister: "Noooooo I don't want to and you can't make me!" 

We are both grown adults but some things just don't change. :P 

This product popped up sometime last year but I wasn't able to get my hands on it until recently. I have questions - whose idea was it to dehydrate a fruit whose name includes WATER?? I mean, it's like having an air valve on a face mask. Air valves allow you to breathe better, but they also allow you to breathe in droplets and other particles the mask is designed to keep out. As a pragmatist, this product makes entirely no sense. But the packaging is pink, so fine. 

The product image looks like a pink, watermelon-colored Dorito. I could handle a watermelon-looking Dorito as long as it tasted like a Dorito. But this is not a Dorito - this is watermelon jerky. Who knew that watermelon could be jerked? (Jerkied?) And it contains one ingredient - organic watermelon! How reassuring. Maybe in Turkey they lack an abundance of watermelons and therefore have a need to jerkify watermelon. Also, someone please let me know what the proper verb form of "to make into a jerky" is. Thanks in advance. 

1) The product name is weird and confusing. Like what is it? A jerky or just dried fruit? Is jerky synonymous with dried something? Is jerky a monolith? Did they think that dried watermelon wasn't good enough marketing and we all needed to be duped by the product name, watermelon jerky? 

1a) Isn't the point of watermelon to be a thirst-quenching, refreshing summer fruit? This application of watermelon just doesn't make sense...

1b) I suspect this product was developed and sold because we, the average TJ's consumers, are suckers for novelty. 

2) It certainly looks like a preserved and dehydrated watermelon. It kind of reminds me of sunburned geriatric skin. With seeds. 

3) A stated (and I quote!), "it smells like old nuts." By which he means rancid. But it does smell of watermelon too. So simultaneously sweet and a bit rancid. I think it is a bad time to make another nursing home reference...

4) The taste is very accurate. It tastes like a concentrated watermelon, which means sweeter but not in a pleasant way. 

5) The texture is confusing. Jerky is usually just chewy, but this watermelon jerky has an initial "crunch," usually found with freeze-dried fruit, followed by a sticky chewiness.  

6) One serving size is the entire package. I have no idea who in their right mind would be able to consume the entire package. Unless you're hiking in the woods somewhere, you haven't learned the art of hunting or foraging, and this is the one thing that stands between you and starvation. 

7) I have nothing against vegans/vegan food. But my goodness...aren't there better things out there to jerkify? 

8) $2.99 or $3.99 for a 2 oz. bag of existential confusion. What is watermelon without water? 

TL;DR: Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky - Dried Watermelon. Saccharine, tough and chewy, dried and aged watermelon. Y'all can do better than this. 3.5 out of 10.